Survival
by BlueSkyBrightLights
Summary: Things are quite different. But it's still the 74th Hunger Games. Katniss and Peeta are both from the Seam, and Katniss loves Peeta. Roles change a bit. What will happen in this tragic love story? Will they both survive? Or will they both die trying?
1. One Memory

Am I supposed to feel this way? There he stands, right next to me. It's a bit of luck that he is here, next to me. Today's the Reaping, the most dreaded day of the year. That is, for the fact that they don't go into an arena, for the Capitol. They don't have to attend their possible death sentence. There's silence in the square. I hear the nervous feet shuffling I hear every time. I feel so nervous, and that's hardly ever. Prim is still not old enough to go into the games, and I'm glad for that. But, I am. Right now, I'm hoping, like everyone else here, that I'm not chosen. Despite the nervousness I feel, I look up at the boy standing next to me, only for a slight second. He's looking straight ahead, the sun right on his face, the blond hair glistening, and his blue eyes concentrating on the ridiculous, chirpy woman named Effie Trinket. He's from the Seam, which it's unusual to be blond and be from the Seam, but does it really matter? I'm from the Seam also, and it doesn't make a difference. It doesn't change the fact that he doesn't know who I am, though I know almost everything about him.

I look around the square filled with desperate children and teens. I find his two younger siblings. His twelve year-old brother, Nate Mellark, has the same blue eyes, but dark brown hair. He's so young to be Reaped, and part of my worry is for him. I know that Peeta would probably volunteer for him, that'd mean Peeta would be a Tribute. I sigh and locate his fourteen year-old sister, Haden Mellark. She's very smart, quite attractive. She has the blond hair that belongs to Peeta and the dark gray eyes that belonged to Peeta's father before he died in the mine explosion. My father, thankfully, didn't die in the mine explosion, and it's the first time Peeta and I ever made any contact. I can remember the tragic day like it was yesterday, and it still haunts me.

_I'm standing near the entrance to the mine, my knees are about to buckle and fail me, causing me to fall to the floor. Primrose, my little sister, is in my mother's arms as we desperately wait for him to come out like the rest of the fathers. Once I see his gray eyes, the dark brown hair, and the hurt look on his face, we all run to him and hug him. Tears run from my mother's eyes, Prim cries in my mother's arms, and I let those tears out like a waterfall. The elevator closes, revealing the last bunch of mineworkers. When we pull away, relieved and glad, my eyes go on to the other family. There's a tiny baby in the mother's arms, a young girl on her tiny feet, and a young boy I know kneeling, staring at the floor, with tears in his eyes. My heart fills with sorrow when the small little girl starts to cry, and she cries loud. She screams for her father, while the young boy pulls her into a hug, and I see his tears. The mother kneels down beside them, holding the bawling baby._

_ Father, knowing the family, walks over to them along with us. Mother helps the woman up and gives her a hug, feeling sympathetic. Our families hug until I meet the young boy, Peeta. His beautiful and ocean blue eyes look up at me. That's when my heart leaped, causing more tears to fall. He stands up, and without hesitation, and no thinking, I pull him into a hug. He doesn't pull away, but it feels so warm and nice in his embrace. I knew, by that point, I have feelings for this boy, and as I grew, they became so much stronger. So strong that I can name those feelings, feelings of Love._

Peeta hunts, which is illegal in Panem. District 12 has the least brutal acts from the Peacekeepers. In fact, some Peacekeepers buy the meat Peeta hunts. I help mother with medical needs along with Prim. I have grown quite fond of plants and the things they can do to save lives. Father keeps the edible and medical use plants all in a book. I read and study it from time to time. Father goes out hunting also. Sometimes I fear that he'd get into trouble. But, I let it go because I'm not that much of a coward. Father hunts with two Seam boys. One of them being Peeta, and the other being Gale. Those boys both support their families, and I admire them for that. They have both lost their fathers, and I don't know where I'd be if I had lost mine. I just don't love Peeta because he's attractive, I love him because he's kind, but fierce when it comes to his family's safety. The way he stood up for me at school one day, made me realize so much more about him. His friend Gale does the same too. Every time I get picked on, one of them is always there. I always thank them, but they just nod and leave. They're serious, and some girls squeal over them because of that truth. The day Peeta stood up for me was a day I don't ever forget.

He was wearing a black t-shirt with dark, faded pants. The girls we're surrounding me outside, occasionally pulling my hair and saying how disgusting I am. I tried walking away, but they'd just pull me back. I wasn't going to cry, I never do. I usually didn't care what they said about me, but Peeta was staring from a distance, he was staring in disgust. I thought he must think the same, but when he stood up from the bench he was on, and walked my way, I thought I might just die. My tears were on the verge of falling like a river. He pushed some of the girls away and he said, fiercely, "Would you leave her alone." The girls stopped and looked up at him. They were all staring at his body, his face, or anything that was _on _him. Some girls squealed and whispered things about him. He rolls his eyes and he pulled me away from the girls by my arm. His touch was gentle and it looked as if he was trying hard not to hurt me. That day, was yet another day when my heart skipped a beat, and I knew I was starting to fall in love with him.

Gale, on the other hand, appeared when some boys were messing with me. That time, I was feeling afraid by the way they were touching me. They'd ask me if I was available one night or the other for "fun". Gale pushed them forcefully and grabbed me quickly. As we walked, he turned around and yelled at the startled boys, "Back off!"

At that moment, all I managed to say, barely over a whisper, is, "Thank you."

"It's nothing," he growled, and with that, he walked away without another word.

I look around for Gale. He stands in the eighteen year-old section. This is his last year, and then, it's the mines. His large figure shows that he's angry. He always is. My hands tremble as Effie exclaims, "Welcome, welcome, and Happy 74th Hunger Games!" This year, she's wearing a blue wig, blue dress, and blue makeup. I've never been so disgusted by the color until my eyes landed on this woman. The blue in Peeta's eyes, however, is far from disgusting.

Without meaning it, I move closer to Peeta. His hands touch mine briefly because we're so close. He turns his head to look down at me, and then he looks at my trembling hands. I close my eyes for a brief moment and I feel someone grab my hand. Immediately I feel warmth engulf me. It feels as if it were electric when his skin touches mine. I hate how he makes me this way, but I can't stop the feeling. This boy, will forever be in my heart, even when I promised myself I would never fall in love, but look at me now. My cheeks turn a slight pink. I look down at our entwined fingers. Then, I force my eyes to look at him, to find his gorgeous blue eyes staring at me. He leans over and whispers in my ear, "It's okay."

_Everything is okay when you're near me, _I think to myself. Peeta squeezes my hand comfortingly. I slightly smile and take a deep breath. I whisper back, "Thanks." He's so kind. I wish I can tell him how I feel, but he doesn't even think of me that way. I'm sure he only held my hand because he felt like it'd help me calm down, he's just being kind. He sure doesn't know how much it means to me that'd he hold my hand just to calm me down. He doesn't know anything…

"Ladies first!" Effie chirps, walking towards the glass ball that holds the slips of thousands of girls in District 12. And only, and only one of thousands go in there that say my name. Father won't let me sign up for tesserae . I'm suddenly worrying about Peeta. His name goes in there a lot more than twice. I take another deep breath as Effie reads the name.

"Katniss Everdeen!"

My heart sinks. Peeta looks down at me in horror. He holds my hand so tight, that it stops my blood from circulating. My heart beats an irregular rhythm, filling me with despair. Everyone turns to face me. I hear my father call my name a couple of times, and that's when he gets into a fight with a Peacekeeper. My head spins and I feel someone let go of my hand, Peeta. I dread the moment he does. I step out of the sixteen year-old section and walk up the stage, very, very slowly. Effie beckons me to move quicker, and as I make it to the stage, Effie says, "Now, for our boy tribute."

My heart aches as I think about Peeta. I'll die the moment she says his name. But it's not his name. It's someone else's. The name is Nate Mellark. My eyes widen and it's so quiet in the square that you could hear a pin drop. The world seems to stop everything. The small young boy steps out of the twelve year-old section. That's when I hear him yell, "Nate! NO, Nate!" He pushes through the Peacekeepers and then the words slip right out of his mouth. I stare at the scene in horror. "I volunteer! I volunteer as Tribute!"

Everyone gasps as Peeta makes his way to Nate, now free from the Peacekeepers hold. Peeta grabs his shoulders and says something. Nate yells and grabs onto Peeta's leg. "No, Peeta! You can't." But, Gale picks Nate from the ground and he tears him away. Peeta makes his way up the stage, standing tall, and trying to keep the sorrowful look on his face. The Peacekeepers step away from Peeta's side when Peeta steps onto the stage. I look at him in horror. The boy I've loved for so long is now in the worst event of the year with me. And the worst part is, I'll need to kill him. No, I can't kill him. But, before I go into that arena, he needs to know how I feel about him. Because, I'm not going to get out of the arena. He is.

"And what is your name?" Effie asks, somewhat excitedly.

"Peeta Mellark," he replies, into the microphone.

"Well then, Ladies and Gentlemen, our tributes for the 74th Hunger Games!" Nobody moves, not even one sound. That causes me to tear up. I look around to find my mother trying to silence Prim who weeps. This is what my life has come to. And now I understand why Gale hates the Capitol so much. I now know why he wants nothing to do with them. Because the Capitol takes things from you. And in this case, the Capitol took the only boy I have ever loved away from me.

We are rushed into the Justice Building. My family comes to visit me, making me break into tears. I'm not crying because I'm afraid, I'm crying because I'm afraid _and _because this will be the last time I see them. Before the Peacekeepers pull them away, father says, "Don't give up sweetie, there's a solution to every problem, think."

What does he mean by that? Is he telling me that there's a way for both of us to come home? No, that's impossible and unreasonable. Father knew how I feel about Peeta. Once I told him, he laughed and said that I'm smart to fall for someone like Peeta, not he jerks. I smiled to myself that day I told him. He knows both Peeta and Gale very well. In fact, Peeta was like the son father never had. And he acted as a father to Peeta. I sigh as a Peacekeeper calls my name and escorts me to a car where Peeta and Effie are already in. He looks up once I get in. His eyes are filled with sorrow. That look on his face only makes me want to hug him. Why can't I ever be truthful and tell him? Maybe I am that coward that I try to tell myself I'm not. I sit next to him in the car. I've never rode in one before, and it makes my stomach churn. Peeta seems to notice my discomfort, and he holds my hand. Right away I feel the electric movement coarse through my body. I look up at him and he tightens his grip on my hand. I realize he's looking a little green too.

When we get to the train station, there's cameras and reporters everywhere. I walk and stare at the floor, not realizing how I'm keeping myself from tearing up. Then I realize that we are still holding hands. The TV screens placed around the station are showing images of our hands together. I know the Capitol will be saying something about this later. But I don't focus on that, I focus on the fact that this is the last time I'll see District 12. But it helps me stand tall as we climb on the train because I know Peeta will be coming back, I know that for sure.

After we eat dinner, our mentor, Haymitch Abernathy, the drunkard, shows up with a bottle of wine in his hands. The first thing that hits my nose is the smell of vile liquor. Effie rolls her eyes as he sits down on the dining table and starts to eat. She mumbles something about showing up on time or he'll ruin everything in the schedule. We sit on a couch to see the replays for the other districts. From District 1, 2, and four are large. Figures, they're Careers. From the rest of them, they're fairly large, but a small little girl is Reaped from District 11. My heart sinks because she's so small, and she reminds me of Prim. While we wait for our Reaping, I realize I'm really close to Peeta. For some reason, I always end up close to him. It doesn't bother me, but I'm sure it bothers him. I slowly move away from him while he watches the TV. I hope he doesn't notice because I don't want him to think that I don't like him. But, while he watches the TV, a huge grin appears on his face. Then, he turns his head to look at me. The look on his face makes me blush. I sink in my seat, winding up very close to him again. I guess he found it funny, at least he's not offended. When I least expect it, he leans in and whispers in my ear, with the grin still plastered on his face, "Isn't it strange how you end up so close to me?"

I look up at him, wondering what he's thinking. Does he think I'm weird? The redness and heat on my cheeks get more furious. I see him slightly smile as he turns away and looks up at the TV. This had to be one of the first times I've seen Peeta smile so visibly. And it makes me smile to realize that I might have put that smile on his face despite our situation. Even if it means that I made a complete fool of myself in front of him. They play our Reaping, and they zoom in after my call name is called up. Our hands holding are clearly visible, and the way we looked up at each other seems so…loving. It's clear to me that the way I looked up at him and by the way that I blushed when he held my hand, I love him. Anyone can notice that, but the way he looked at me seems so similar. Maybe I'm crazy, but the way he looked down at me seems a little similar. I notice he kept glancing at me. I ignore that idea. There's no way Peeta could actually feel the same way. They play the rest and the way to the station. How we held hands again at the station. Then, Claudius Templesmith and Caesar Flickerman pop up on the screen, commenting on our Reaping.

"Wow, those two seem pretty close, right Caesar?" Claudius says, a bit excited.

"I must say so, they seem a lot more than just friends," Caesar adds.

After that, we head to our rooms. I lay on the soft bed and look up at the ceiling. I sigh as I remember my surroundings and who I'm with. I'm in the 74th Hunger Games, and I'm not making it back home. But, he is. The boy I've loved for so long is coming back home, without me. I'm sure of it because I'll make sure that is what happens.

That will happen.

**Review please! :-) **


	2. Two Thoughts

I'm laying on my bed, being moved gently by the train, and staring at the ceiling. It's late, but I don't feel like sleeping, I _can't _sleep. The memory of District 12 and my family flashes back into my mind. It's hard forgetting it, it's not even possible in my position. The look on Nate's face when I volunteered still pierces my heart. The thought of leaving my family behind makes my head spin with questions. What's going to happen to them? I remember Gale coming in to visit me. He had a sorrowful look on his face, and it's the saddest he has ever been, or at least shown his sadness. He told me I could do it, I can win. But, to be honest, there's something keeping me from believing that I will be back. I'm only going to fight because I need to get back home to Nate, Haden, and mother. But, they have Gale. Gale promised me he'd take care of them, but in reality, Gale's got a family too. I can't ask for him to take care of both families. That'd be too difficult and selfish of me. Then I realize, Gale is also counting on me to come back home. And then there's Katniss' father. He came to visit me. He immediately pulled me into a hug. He explained to me how he will do everything in his power to keep my family healthy and full if I don't make it back. It has to be hard to be in his position. I mean, Katniss is his daughter, sure he'd miss me if I died, but he'd ache if Katniss passed and I came back home. There are so many reasons why I should go back home, but then there's Katniss.

She's keeping me from wanting to go back home. There's something strange about her. The way she's always quiet around me, but around Madge, she's talkative and laughs all the time. Maybe she sees no point in becoming my friend so she doesn't have a hard time killing me. Whatever it is, I can't get her off my mind. When we were watching the recaps of the Reaping on TV, she slowly winded up next to me. It made me uncomfortable, but it started something in my stomach also. The way she'd be paying no attention at all to what she's doing, and stay focus on whatever she's paying attention to. She turns red every time I'm around her. I can't help but think she might like me. It makes me smile a little, and my heart leaps. Why am I feeling this way? She's so different from the other girls. That's what makes me want to know more of her. Most girls would throw themselves at me. It's not that I'm expecting Katniss to do that, it's just that if she did like me, then she'd do that. No, Katniss isn't like that. Something about her confuses me, and it just makes me want to know her more.

I never thought of her as something besides an acquaintance. We're not really close, but there were times when we did see each other and speak, and that was hardly ever. I've hated the times when she was being picked on at school. Gale only helped her because he thought I had a "thing" for Katniss. I would deny it, but the more I thought of it, the more I'd start to like her. I don't have really strong feelings for her, but something about her drags me closer to her. What Claudius and Caesar had said, I know, should have not affected me. But it's every time I look into those stony grey eyes, I almost blush. I get mad at myself every time I'm on the verge of blushing. On TV, it was easy to see how I stared at her. I tried to stop glancing at her, but I couldn't. She's…attractive. That shiny brown hair, the glistening olive skin, and those sparkling grey eyes drawn my eyes to her. She's slim, but still, she looks strong from the outside. The only time I have seen her weak is at the Reaping, the worse time to be weak. She was lost in her thoughts the entire time that she didn't even notice her own hands were shaking. I had to hold her hand. My mind kept bothering and bothering to just grab her hand. When I did, she blushed. I had to try the hardest ever to stop myself from chuckling. I'm not sure if I had to try because I wasn't too happy and the Reaping, rather angry and somewhat nervous. When they called her name, I almost lost it. I know I shouldn't care that much, but that's when I realized how much affect she has on me. I had to care because that meant losing her. Right at the moment when I managed to process that is when I realize I do like her. I do have a "thing" for Katniss Everdeen.

I sigh as I think harder about Katniss. Her name bounces around my skull. I've been thinking of her for hours until I hear slow footsteps outside the door. I raise an eyebrow in curiousness. I sit up to hear them again, this time they're quick. I jump out of the bed and walk outside the door. Then I see her, running down the hallway with her beautiful brown hair blowing behind her. I feel my lips curve as I whisper, "Oh Katniss, Katniss!"

She turns around in half a second, startled. She blushes furiously when she looks up at me. But, when she looks at me for a longer time, her blush fades a small amount. She gulps as if trying to gain all her courage. "Wear a shirt next time, will you Peeta?" She stares at the floor uncomfortably.

I look down at myself to realize I have no shirt on. I'm wearing long, soft pajama pants and nothing else. I look up at Katniss who's wearing shorts with a t-shirt. I smirk and, teasingly, I ask, "Oh, you don't like this outfit? Well, maybe next time, when I catch you running around in the hallways, I'll wear something a bit more…presentable…at midnight."

She smiles, looking up at me with that pretty, pink shade she turns. "Yeah, what you're wearing now is hideous."

I take a step closer to her. "Don't act like you don't like it."

She smirks, now looking back down at the floor again. "Oh, I'm not acting. I really hate it. It's like what a monster would wear."

I gasp at her insult, playfully. "You hurt my feelings, Katniss."

Something shines brightly in her eyes when I call her by her name. When she looks into my eyes, the slight, pink shade is now replaced with a full red. I realize I like making her blush. She breathes in. Her blushing is replaced with a sad look on her face. I realize I know what she's thinking. Maybe it isn't a good idea to become friends. But, I don't want to think about it that way. Maybe it won't come to both of us. Maybe…and sadly…someone else might kill her. I don't want that. I also don't want her to feel like she owes me anything. I remember a day in the woods when Mr. Everdeen was talking to me about Katniss and how serious she is about debt. The sun was shining brightly and the green in the woods never looked more beautiful. I was taking deep breaths as we ran through the woods. We stopped for some water. I thought it was a bit ridiculous, but once he started to explain, I understood. Katniss feels as if she needs to balance everything. If I defended her at school, then she'd need to make it up to me. I don't want her to feel as if she owes me her life in the games. We have to go our separate ways, that way it will be less painful.

We stand there in silence until I break it. "Well, goodnight, Katniss," I say, waving at her and walking into my room, not waiting for her to respond. I lay on my bed again, staring at the ceiling. It takes me moments to realize that I'm not going to be able to sleep. The train's rocking doesn't help me doze off. I groan in frustration and get up. I open the door, and find Katniss sitting next to it out in the hallway. I look at her for a second while I stand out in the hallway. She has her knees pressed against her chest, and she's sobbing. I kneel next to her and put my hand on her shoulder. She looks up to reveal her puffy eyes and the sight of me makes her push away from me. I ignore her sudden movement and move closer to her. She sighs and wipes her tears with her hands. It's quiet for a moment until I ask, "Couldn't sleep?"

She shakes her head. "No, how about you?"

"I can't sleep either. But, we need some of it for our big, big, big day!" I imitate Effie to cheer her up. Fortunately, it works. She starts to laugh. We sit there, talking about how ridiculous Effie looked at the Reaping. This makes her forget about whatever made her cry. I know one thing, and that is, that is I don't like to see Katniss Everdeen cry. There are many reasons why she could have been crying. But, all of those reasons haunt me. I push the bad thoughts aside and in a few minutes, Katniss winds up very close to me.

She groans and says, "Sorry, I have no idea…"

I start to laugh as she turns into a deeper and deeper shade of red every second. She punches my arm. I stop laughing and look straight into her eyes. She looks up at me and she slightly smiles. I'm lost for a second before she starts talking about what the Capitol might look like. I decide to stop staring at her so deeply. While she talks, I make sure she ends up close to me. I don't know why, but she puts me in a happy mood. It's strange for me to act this way, especially in our situation. But it wouldn't hurt to have a last laugh before we go into that arena. For some reason, I feel as if I can talk to Katniss and she'd not miss one word, like she'll listen forever if I'd talk that long. Her smile makes my stomach flutter and I almost punch myself for that one. Why am I acting this way? I ask myself these questions when Katniss asks me, "Hey, Peeta?"

I look up at her, my eyes meeting hers. "Yeah?"

"What's your favorite color?" She asks, laughing softly behind it.

I smile and reply, "Blue. But not the neon blue Effie was wearing."

She nods her head, "I like the color green." After those words, she starts babbling on and on about how other colors make her either puke, sneeze, or squint. I laugh at her as minutes go by. After twenty minutes, she stops talking abruptly and says, "Sorry, I'm talking too much…"

"I don't mind," I reply, looking straight into her eyes. She looks into mine, and almost immediately she blushes. I smile as I watch her move closer to me, and she doesn't even notice it. The dim lights in the hallways still make her shiny hair glisten. Her grey, stony eyes shine with something in them. The flawless, light skin of hers seems to sparkle. I don't know if it's me, or this is how she really looks most of the time, but she looks like an angel. I'm losing my marbles. I can't tell, but I think she did notice she was very close to me. She smiles and slowly moves away, a bit of a sorry look on her face. Without thinking, I wrap an arm around her waist and pull her closer to me. She's surprised for a moment, and I have to admit I am too. Her cheeks turn so red, I might have thought she was choking or something.

The silence was a bit awkward. I'm racking my brain for something to say, but when I hear her snore, I know there isn't anything I could say. I laugh to myself as I turn my head to Katniss. Her head slowly moves sideways, leaning on my shoulder. I smile and carefully, I stroke her hair. Her hair is soft and goes over her shoulders. Soft curls tickle my neck as she sleeps on my shoulder. After a few minutes, I decide to take her back to her room. I put my hand behind her back and under her legs as I pick her up bridal style. Her hair hangs down behind her back as I walk down the hallway to her room. She's half asleep when I lay her gently on her bed. She whispers, "Peeta?"

"Goodnight, Katniss," I whisper, covering her in a soft blanket.

She smiles and immediately she starts to doze off. I start for the door and shut the door lightly behind me. Walking down the hallway, I start to think about her. I sigh as I realize something that won't leave me alone. I've never thought of a girl this way. And this puts me in a tougher spot, according to our situation. I walk inside and throw myself on the bed. I stare up at the ceiling, pulling a blanket up to my chest. I shut my eyes and try to stop thinking about her. But I know that's impossible.

I can't get Katniss Everdeen out of my head.


	3. Three Reasons

**Sorry I haven't updated. It's Friday, and I always try to update on Fridays only because of school. But, here it is! **

I wake up to the sound of Effie pounding at every door in the train's narrow hallway. The sun's rays pour into the room from the windows. I realize the train has stopped, probably for some gas. Effie is already out of her mind because we're supposed to be in the Capitol a day ago. Haymitch and her don't get along, and now I see why. That woman has the loud mouth of one hundred people together, and her ridiculous accent doesn't help her either. I cannot stand her, and it's only been a day. Although this has happened to all of the other tribute trains, the woman still complains and complains. I groan and get up, heading towards the shower. The shower is quick and easy, only because Effie is still pounding on my door. I'm distracted by a thought the entire time. My mind fills with the memories of last night. Why did I had to cry? I wonder sometimes, why I'm so weak. But, I couldn't hold the tears back. I still find it hard to believe that this is what my life has led up to. And the worst part is, it's the Capitol's fault. I don't want to think about it, but there as so many things I would have liked to do before I die. Now, it seems ridiculous to think about your future, since you can't even plan it going into that arena.

I wear dark jeans and a light blue t-shirt. I let my hair down and sink my feet into flats. The argumentative things she shouts are irritating. "Katniss, get to the dinning cart! We'll be late!" Is all I hear her saying around here. I finally decide to stop messing with her and driving her nuts. I open the door to find Peeta being yelled at by Effie in the hallway. I grin as Effie keeps educating him about the importance of being on time. Peeta looks up at me, causing Effie to shut up and follow his gaze up to me. My grin slides right off my face like water. I'm not scared of her, but I definitely don't want to stand here, wait for her dim-witted lecture to be over, and resist the urge to tell her to stop talking.

"Katniss!" Too late. "You are supposed to be down in the dinning cart already! We only have ten more minutes until we arrive at the Capitol," she practically screams. From the corner of my eyes, I can see Peeta trying to keep the smile off his face, the same mocking smile I had planted on my face just now.

I don't bother to argue, that'd only make her open her mouth once more. We walk down the corridor to the dinning cart. Effie constantly talks about manners and how we should make an impression. Peeta glances at me with a goofy smile on his face. His blue eyes are bright as he fights the urge to laugh at her. I find myself doing the same when he points to her wig. The neon blue and hot pink highlights with stands of it white do not fit her well. I suddenly feel worried. Usually, Peeta doesn't fool around so much, and in this case, I would have never pictured him to smile, even laugh. Is he trying to trick me? I'm not taking this as a joke. And I'm most certainly not a fool. The battle between the laughter and seriousness is gone. I'm not fighting the urge to laugh. Because I don't want to. I want to forget it, but it doesn't seem to convince me. The thought is persisting to stay planted. I look away from him, staring straight ahead, avoiding the glances I'm sure he's giving me.

When we get there, Haymitch sits on his chair, playing with the cap of a wine bottle. He looks clean and sober, but not for long. Effie sighs and sits down for breakfast, followed by Peeta. A plate is already set up in front of me. I start to eat, and that's when I hear the sound of someone gulping something down quickly. I look up to see Haymitch gurgling the liquor down. My stare becomes a glare. This is our mentor. He should be helping us, not drinking away and letting us die in that arena. I glance at Peeta. His face is red with anger, his hands are in fists, and by the look he gives Haymitch, it looks as if he's about to burst. Effie gets up from her seat, also giving a glare at Haymitch. Her face shows disgust. She walks into the hallway, murmuring something about getting to the Capitol on time.

Suddenly, Peeta snatches the bottle from Haymitch and throws it on the floor, making the red liquor smash onto the floor along with pieces of glass. Peeta's on his feet, his face even redder. Through grinded teeth, he says, "Well, Haymitch, any advice?"

Haymitch stares down at the red liquor as it flows under the table. In a flash, he gets up and throws a punch at Peeta without any warning. But, Peeta's too quick. He grabs Haymitch's hand just before is makes contact with his jaw. Haymitch looks at Peeta, angrily. Then, suddenly, he swings his arm underneath Peeta's sight, making an impact with Peeta's stomach. Peeta stumbles back as I pick up a knife that was near me and plant it into the table, right between Haymitch's fingers. His eyes land on the knife, then his eyes lead up to see me. I'm up from my seat, staring deeply into Haymitch's eyes, with fury. Surprisingly, he removes his hand from the table and nods his head, saying, "Huh, looks like a I have a pair of fighters this year, right?" Peeta's glare is filled with rage as he stalks back to his chair, trying to refrain himself from saying anything that will put us both in a tougher spot with Haymitch.

He turns to me and asks, "How good are you with that knife?"

I remove the knife from the table, aim it between two panels, and throw the knife towards it. Unexpectedly, it lands _right _between them, making me look better than I really am. I was expecting the knife to land somewhat near the two panels, not right on target. Haymitch nods and says, "I'll make you a deal. If you listen to everything I say, and don't interfere with my drinking, I'll help you."

I turn my head to look at Peeta. The redness in his face has subsided. He looks at me for a slight second. He nods. Haymitch turns to look at me. We need all the help we can get. Haymitch has experience with this stuff. And if I'm going to make sure Peeta gets out of here, I ought to agree. I nod my head, signaling that I agree. My only concern is to get Peeta back home. I'm lost in my thoughts when suddenly, the lights go out. I look around as a dreadful memory comes crawling up my mind. I shake the thought away. The mines.

The train is lighted up again. My eyes wander to the windows, to meet something out of the ordinary. The colors are so bright. The beauty is enlarging my the seconds as we get closer to it. Colors in different shades appear everywhere. The sunlight is fresh and bright, making it very different from what District 12 is. We're in the Capitol. Suddenly, I see the Capitol people. The cheering is so loud that I can hear it even on the train. Something like a bell rings in my head. If I want Peeta to survive, we'd need some help. Unfortunately, that help will be coming from the Capitol, meaning that we need Sponsors. Everyone knows this, if you're a favorite, you have better luck. I'm not one to judge myself, but I'm pretty hard to like. I'm not completely nice, but I'm not mean either. I'm absolutely sure I'm not sexy, pretty, or anything that ranges between beautiful and pleasant. But, I have to do it for Peeta, and I'm going to put myself to good use.

I get up from my chair to look out the windows. Once I get a better view, I start smiling and waving at them. Peeta and Haymitch stare at me, but with entirely different looks. Peeta looks at me with suspicion, wondering what I'm doing. I want him to catch up, but he doesn't. I keep smiling and waving, asking him to join me. He's silent and still for a second when Haymitch says, "Smart, a fighter, and pretty. You might want to stick with her, boy. She knows what she's doing."

When the word 'pretty' passes through his lips, I feel my cheeks heat up. I know they shouldn't, but it feels strange to be called pretty, when I know I'm not. I'm fully convinced I'm not, and there's no further thoughts about it either as we get ready to get off the train. Effie ushers us to get off the train, and once we do, we are surrounded by bubbly, loud, and weird-looking people. There are artificial colors I've never seen before. I have to put up with these people, the people cheering us on, but will enjoy us being tortured in that arena. I take a deep breath and start waving, occasionally blowing kisses at the people. Haymitch walks beside me, avoiding the people entirely. Then he whispers, "Grab his hand." I look at him, somewhat surprised. My face reads the words, _What? _He sighs and starts to smile at the crowd as we make our way down a path, leading up to a car. "Grab his hand."

Reluctantly, I reach for Peeta's hand. He turns his head for a slight second to look at me. My heart beats fast as he pulls me closer, slowly. I can feel my cheeks heat up for a second. These people around us don't seem intimidating anymore because he's beside me. This seems to convince me that for a moment, at least seconds, I'm safe. His hand is warm while mine are cold and lifeless. I can feel the heat of his hand transfer heat to mine, calming me down. When he looks down at me with those blue orbs that I can't help but get hypnotized by and smiles at me, the redness in my cheeks gets more furious. He smiles as I force to smile back. Once we get into the car, I can feel my heartbeat subside. Our hands are still entwined together, and I don't want him to let go. He doesn't.

We get the twelfth floor because our district is 12. The building has a huge lobby, with a maroon carpet, gold walls, and futuristic furniture. We get onto the elevator, and as we do, my mind enters deep thoughts. Where I am, in the situation I am in, and basically everything seems so surreal. None of it seems to persuade me that this is reality. Never, in the rest of the years I would have been eligible for the Reaping, would I have ever though I would be here. The shock from what happened at the Reaping still remains, and for some reason, I'm having a difficult time getting rid of the feeling and the memory. Along with the shock, remains the horror. This is what happens. Fate has brought me here, and even though I dread it, I have to except it. My heart shatters when I think of Peeta. Why is _he _here with _me? _On a different basis, that's what I wanted. I wanted him to be with me, just not this way, not the way where we'll be fighting for survival in a week. Not this way.

Then comes the point that he'll never know how I felt about him. If I tell him before the games, would he think it's a lie just so I can stab him in the back when the time comes? Of course, that's not what it is. A conflict between my heart and my mind set me off guard, they make me weak. I know I have no chance at winning these games. I have no useful skills that will help me in the arena. Sometimes I wonder why I give it so much thought, and it's because _he _is here with me. He makes me weak, and I can't stand it. If it were someone else, I'd try, with all might strength, to win. But, it had to be him. The boy I have loved forever is caught with me in the worse event of the year. I want him to go back home, but it just reminds me of what I'm leaving behind. Primrose, father, mother, Madge, and District 12, my home…all of it…just gone from the point they called my name. I haven't realized it, but the moment they called my name at the Reaping, was the moment when I knew I lost everything. No one was going to volunteer. No one. And I didn't have any hope for that because no one has ever in District 12 like they do in other Districts like 1 and 2.

Moments can go by, and I wouldn't have known that my last days were up. I just kept thinking and thinking about a way to gain the courage to talk to him. But, as always, I'd back out. It doesn't matter anymore. I got to talk to him, and that's all I'll get. No matter what happens now, my mind is finally set to one goal and one goal only. _Make sure Peeta is the one to return_.

The 12th floor is huge. There are beautiful colors that engulf the room, making it dazzling and vibrant with color. In the middle, lies a glass table along with plates, forks, and spoons. I assume that's the dining table. I sigh as we enter the huge room and Effie starts to tell us what our schedule is for today. We have the chariot rides today. I'll be meeting my stylist, and so will Peeta. Effie goes babbling on about how things are going to go. Haymitch finally loses it and shouts, "Shut up, Effie! We all know what's next! Stop babbling on and on, one of these days, a Peacekeeper might just shoot your annoying ass!"

Effie stops talking abruptly. She gasps and screams in frustration. Her eyes pierce through Haymitch's. "Fine," she squeaks, rushing down some other hallway. I sigh as Haymitch starts to explain to us, with a little less enthusiasm as Effie, how it's going to work today. We'll be meeting with our stylist, getting all fancied up for the Capitol, and going on chariots to be introduced to the Capitol for the first time. We both nod as Peeta excuses himself and heads to his room that Haymitch pointed out to us. I stare at Peeta until he's out of my sight. He looks uncomfortable and seemed disturbed. We sit there, in silence. Haymitch starts to play with his hair, occasionally mumbling something about how he should have never said anything to Effie because she's very dramatic. I snicker as he looks up.

"You have to admit, the woman was driving all of us crazy with her chatter. I know I was going to burst from the moment I got on the train and she complained about my drinkin', no one does that, " he says the last part a bit threateningly. He rubs his hands together and starts to laugh as he looks up at me. "I didn't actually think you'd hold the boy's hand!"

I roll my eyes and reply, "I did it for the Capitol. That could be my angle, you know," he knows I'm talking about the interview.

He shakes his head. "No you're not talking about the interview only of the Capitol," he says, looking at me suspiciously. "You really do love the boy."

My hands start to sweat, my heart beats faster, and all I want to do is get out of the room before I start to stutter and get nervous. I pause for a minute to think of what to say, but I'm silent. My bottom lip starts to tremble. I bite on it, trying to get it to stop, but it doesn't. Haymitch burst into a laughing fit. "Sweetheart, you got a lot going in your head, don't cha? You're already thinking of a way to save him because you love him and would give your life for him." I look down at my hands, it's as if he's reading my mind. "Just be careful," he says, "because that can make you really weak."

Immediately, I start to think of millions of ways to save Peeta. But, it's futile. Haymitch laughs even harder at me. "But, I like the way you think. It's good to plan ahead, especially now."

I hesitate to explain to him what I'm thinking. I want him to agree that it's him that needs to return. Peeta needs to return. "Haymitch," I say, grabbing his attention from the laughter that seems to escape him during every type of situation. He looks up, signaling that he's listening. "It's true. I do…love him. And that is why, I need you to do me a favor," I explain, looking up at him into his eyes. He nods at me. "I need you to save Peeta. I want him to be the one to return home. You need to do everything you can to bring him back."

He lets out a breath. He looks at me for a second, as if trying to read my facial expression. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I want," I confirm, my voice sounding much more determined and strong that I thought it would.

He nods. "Alright, Sweetheart," he sighs. "But let me remind you. To get him sponsors, we'd need to do a lot of work. Remember, I don't like him or you. You two almost killed me back there in the train," he laughs, causing a small smile to form in the corners of my mouth.

"He's not that bad, Haymitch. I'm sure he'd earn all the women's hearts out there in the Capitol," I say, causing Haymitch to laugh.

"That boy, he's got some reputation already. When he volunteered, it was bound to get him people to start to love him already because of his bravery. And when you held his hand, it started something a lot more," he says, getting up from the table.

I'm confused until he says, "You made people think you two are together, earning yourselves more admirers than what you went for."


	4. Four Lies

I'm being waxed and all fancied up by my prep team. I seriously find it excruciating when they pull the strips off my legs. I want to yell at them. But I can't do that. I need to follow Haymitch's orders. He said don't refuse or protest against what they do to you. I stumble upon the fact that these people are annoying, and it's very hard not to snap at them when they're waxing your legs, which today I've discovered is painful, very painful. Their stupidity is somewhat hilarious to me. But there's nothing to laugh at. They chatter on about how there must be something between District 12 tributes. I refrain myself from snapping at them that I'm right here, right in their faces. They talk about me as if I weren't here, and I don't like it.

Haymitch explained to me that if I want Peeta to survive in that arena, than I'd have to be both on his side and mine. That's impossible in the games, because obviously, there is only one survivor. Only one gets out. Preparing myself to die hits me like a bullet. I have no other choice. I can't watch Peeta die helplessly. And if I want him to get sponsors, there is only one way. That is to keep up with the rumor of us being together.

But still, I can't believe it's real. I can't believe I'm in the worst position ever, with the boy I love. I'm lost in my thought until I feel a sharp pull near my eyebrows. Great, they're plucking my eyebrows. I feel so superficial when they put on my makeup. My hair is tied up in a neat, high pony tail; letting some soft curls hang right above my shoulders. In minutes, my stylist, Cinna, comes in. He wears normal clothing. He seems very normal and calm, much better than my prep team.

My prep team consists of three women and a man. I don't pay attention to them, because I seem to be getting lost in my thoughts again. When I'm finally finished, Cinna helps me up from the chair, since I could barely move due to my ripped-of-hair legs. He hands me something to wear, and I put it on, trying carefully not to touch my legs.

Cinna seems real, unlike the Capitol people. He seems different, and I like it. I don't feel as if I have to refrain myself from yelling something at him, because in reality, that's how I feel about half of the Capitol's people.

Cinna breaks the silence like shattered glass. "Katniss, are you afraid of fire?"

My direct answer would be a yes. Of course I'd be afraid of fire, isn't everyone? Though for my best, and my safety, I should say yes so it doesn't encourage him to _set _me on fire or do anything to me that have to with fire, I don't say yes. Without any hesitation, I let out a quick reply. "No."

He smiles. "Good," he says, a bit cheerful.

I look at him through the mirror, suspiciously. He's going to have to tell me somehow. And when he does, I can't help but feel a bit terrified at first, until he finishes the sentence. I sigh in relief and eye myself in the mirror. My makeup makes me _too _pretty to be me. The tight black suit feels as if someone is choking me to death. But as I get more comfortable in it, it doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is, I'll get set on fire, but I won't get hurt.

Entering a room filled with chariots and horses, I see Peeta standing next to Portia, his stylist. He leans against the chariot, looking serious. It's no surprise to me. I knew it was just a matter of time when he'd realize how bad it is to make friends with other tributes. Allies, I don't want any and I don't need any. They'll betray you once they get the chance, putting you into a tougher situation with the lack of trust you hold in you. All the other tributes are around, and once a bell rings, they get on to the chariots. Peeta and I do the same, not saying a word to each other. Before we can even step on the chariot, Cinna lights us up with fire.

I look at myself, wondering when the pain will start. Surprisingly, it doesn't. Cinna was right, we can't even feel it. In fact, it feels a bit warm and good. Peeta looks at himself as I turn my attention to the chariot. I climb on as Peeta does, right behind me. I look straight ahead as one by one the chariots go through a gate. All I could think of once I got on the chariot, is I hope I don't fall off. It has happened once in the games, and sure enough that tribute didn't make an impression. Without even thinking, I grab Peeta's hand as I look down behind us. I glance at him, to see him looking right where I was.

"I just hope I don't fall off this thing," he says, almost under his breath. I tighten the grip on his hand as he looks up at me, his blue eyes meeting mine.

"I know, I'm hoping for the same," I agree, sighing. I have a feeling I'm holding his hand too hard, but it doesn't seem to bother him because he's holding on to my hand just as hard.

Our chariot starts to move and as it moves closer and closer to the gate, the more screams, and cheers I hear. I take a deep breath as our chariot is enveloped by numerous of colorful people. They scream. They cheer. They laugh and I think I even see some with tears in their eyes. It all makes me hold Peeta's hand tighter. It's all I could do to stop myself from rolling my eyes or stop smiling. I need to keep this bright, flashy smile on my face or otherwise, the boy right next to me won't have a higher chance of getting sponsors. Then the idea hits me like a bright light through a dense and dark forest. It just comes, and I know Haymitch is watching me, seeing if I have the brains to figure out that this is the best time to show the Capitol that our "romance" is real, even when I'm starting to wish it was.

While the chariot moves, I lift our entwined fingers up in the air so everyone can see. Once I do, numerous of people start screaming and throwing roses as us. The other tributes glare at us, with envy. Peeta stares at my face as I glance at his and smile at him. He stares at me for another moment, making the scene even more intense, well at least to me. I try to keep the redness off my cheeks, but what point would that have? It's for the Capitol, I keep reminding myself.

It's for the Capitol.

Then I feel it. Has he caught on to my plan? I can't even bother to think about that as the redness of my cheeks boils to the surface of my cheeks. His lips made contact with my cheek, and it only takes that to make me blush, very hard. But that's not the best thing here, the Capitol loved it. I look up to Peeta, staring into those blue orbs of his. I just wish, really wish, there was a way for me to gain the courage to tell him. But, it'd ruin everything. He must think it's for the Capitol, I'm certain of it. Not only does he think that, but if I tell him, he might think it's a trick. I can't tell him that I'm going into that arena, hoping to die so he'd win and try to do everything in my power to keep him alive.

To make the crowd even crazier, he winks at me. I smile, trying not at all to hide my blush. We look up at President Snow, who's giving a speech. His words only bother me even more, and I fog them up as I glance at Peeta. He's looking up at Snow as he gives his famous speech for every chariot ride every year. I've heard it so many times, and I've never known how terrible it must feel to hear it until now. I'm staring at Peeta, and I can't even try to keep my eyes from him. I'm going to die, and he doesn't even now. Does he ever think about me? Why do I even care? I'm going to die, and when I do, I'll be praying for him to be the last one, the last standing one, the Victor.

But if I had one wish, it'd change our circumstances. I would have told him by now if it weren't for the games, or at least that's what I think. I don't know how I can bring myself to think about it now as Snow gives his speech and the crowd listens intently. His blue eyes sparkle as the lights hit his face. The gold, blond hair shimmers and it can only get my heart to beat faster than it has already. Sometimes I wonder how stupid I might sound. It's stupid to fall for someone in this place with you. But, it was before everything. I couldn't help it, and sometimes I wish I didn't feel this way.

Snow finally finishes his speech. The chariots retreat back into the building. Once we're out of the people's sight, up in the twelfth floor, and put out, I let out a breath. Haymitch walks in with Effie as she babbles away on how amazing with did. I don't want to see her, listen to her, or even be in the same room as her. The annoying tone of her voice just ticks me off. Peeta excuses himself before Effie can even say a word to him. I'm next, but she catches me.

"Katniss, that was amazing!" She hugs me and talks to me about how beautiful Cinna made me look, how alluring Peeta looked on fire, and how lovely we look together as a couple. I look over her shoulder to Haymitch for his help. I want to run when he flashes a big smile at me. I glare at him when the idea hits me.

"Well, thank you, Effie," I say, as politely as I can. She squeaks and tells me what a good job I did by saying words such as thank you and making it as polite as possible. I smile and say, "But you must tell Haymitch that," I start to whisper, "I don't think he agrees with you."

She winks at me and squeaks, "Oh, Haymitch, don't you think the kids did a wonderful job?" Haymitch's eyes fall onto me, and I smile, heading for the room. Haymitch grabs me before I can leave.

"How did you enjoy your hand-holding time with Peeta?" He smirks, saying it loudly enough for Effie to hear it. "Bet you loved that."

My cheeks run red because of the anger forming in me. "Haymitch, it was fine, holding Peeta's hand." I couldn't bring myself to say anything more.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure you enjoyed Peeta," he says, laughing.

I was going to say something when he walked in, his blue eyes showing suspicion. "What about me?" He glances between us both. Haymitch smirks and it causes me to cough nervously.

"Nothing, we were talking about the chariot ride and how amazing you both did," he says, relief enveloping me.

…

Her smile, the tight grip she had on my hand that stopped my blood from circulating, and the thought of going into that arena with her make me drowsy and uncomfortable no matter how soft this bed I'm laying on is. I look into the ceiling, and I can't believe this is where I am. I don't want to kill her, and I'm _not _going to kill her. I _can't _kill her. Trying to forget her shiny, grey eyes and that adoring shade of pink she occasionally turns around me is so difficult, probably one of the toughest things I've had to deal with besides starving.

I can't stand being in my room the rest of the night after dinner. Effie and everyone else were oddly quiet during the dinner. Katniss stared at her food for most of the time, glancing at me from time to time. I want to ask her, what's going on her mind. She's quieter than ever, and she avoids eye contact. Something's going through her head, but I still can't figure it out. Effie was the strangest of all of them. Her normal conversation doesn't start. She sits there, staring at her food and eating slowly.

Then my attention landed on Haymitch, who slightly smiled at Katniss. Katniss glares at him, a glare so vile it could kill. What is going on? I glanced back and forth between them. I never really bothered to ask, but now that I'm staring at the ceiling and lying on this bed, it's nagging at the back of my head. It doesn't want to leave me alone, and I cannot stand being in this isolated room another minute. I get up from the bed and start for the hallway.

I'm wondering around the place, not caring where I end up in. I find a door that leads to stairs. I climb the stairs, lazily. When I get up there, I see her. She's standing there, staring at the fantastic view of the Capitol. Not noticing I'm here, she turns around to leave. When her eyes meet mine, she steps back, startled.

"Sorry for scaring you," I apologize, looking at her right in the eyes intensely. It's as if I'm trying to figure out what's going inside her head.

She's quiet for a second, until she says, "It's fine." It takes her all her strength to look me right into the eyes. That's enough for me to know something definitely is going on, and she's hiding it from me.

I walk towards where she's standing, looking at the view of the Capitol. Lights and colors never seemed so beautiful mixed together. Katniss turns around, standing next to me. I want to know what's going on in her head. But it's obvious she's not going to tell me. But I ask anyway. "What's going on with Haymitch?"

She looks at me, her facial expression confused. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," I say irritated. I turn to look at her in the face, my eyes piercing through hers. Moving closer to her, I say, "Something's going on, and it has to do with me."

Her gray, stormy eyes show nothing but confusion, but I can see it. She's nervous. "There's nothing going on, Peeta."

I step closer to her, very close to her. Anger shoots right into me. I don't like knowing things last, and it's finally getting to me the fact that she always acts so strangely around me. "Don't lie," I raise my voice, unwittingly.

Now I've done it. Her eyes are filled with complete panic. I can hear her breathing, and it's unsteady. She steps away, but I take one step closer. My face is just inches away from hers when she says, "I'm not lying, Peeta. Nothing is going on."

"I don't believe you," I persist, stepping so close to her that I can already feel her body right up to mine. I gently grab her by the shoulders, trying hard not to hurt her. I look right into her eyes, "Please, tell me."

"There's nothing to say," she lies, not looking into my eyes. She's so uncomfortable that I swear I can just feel it.

I sigh, angrily. "Fine, don't tell me." I let go of her and start to walk away, thoughts clouding my vision. She might already be planning how to kill me. And if she's planning to kill me, she might want to think twice. Before I can leave, I feel her grab my hand.

I turn around in a second. When I look into those eyes, I see nothing but worry and sadness. I try not to care, but it's too hard not to. It's as if I _want _to care. I _need _to care. Anything that comes out of her mouth, at this point, I'll believe. "Peeta…I…," she sighs, "I-I…love you."

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	5. Five Conflicts

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He pulled me right into his arms, his lips crashing on to mine. The warmth surges through my body as he wraps his arms around me more firmly. I shudder as his hands travel up my body, all the way to my face. He cups my face in his hands while kissing me. I taste his sweet, soft, and warm lips. I can already feel myself get lost. Right now, I can't believe his lips are onto mine. It's something I've always wanted. And now, they are. It feels so wrong, but a larger part of me doesn't want it to stop.

It's so wrong to tell him. But it feels so sweet and good to have his lips on mine. I have a hard time trusting him, basically I don't know if he believes me or he thinks it's a form of deception. And he's just following along. It doesn't seem like the real Peeta, and lately, he hasn't been himself until now. The same quiet, upset-looking, and bad tempered Peeta wasn't showing his true colors until tonight. It's the same Peeta I fell in love with, because I'm that stupid. Falling in love, I used to think, was for those girls who are week and useless. I see myself now, and how I feel around Peeta, and it makes me feel like one of them. Then I realize what if you could be both? You could be both strong and still be deeply in love with someone who barely even talked to you until you both ended up in a tough spot.

Why? I ask myself why he even kissed me. Surely he doesn't feel the same. No one can change the way they feel about someone that quick. I'm only making my confusion worse. With all honesty, I'm not thinking about the way he must feel. I'm thinking about how nice it feels to finally have those lips of his on mine like I always wanted. It's selfish, but it feels so great I can barely think. He kisses me again, again, and again as if trying to figure something out.

My confusion seems like a boat lost at sea. Where am I right now? Those lips get me so mesmerized. His arms are wrapped tighter around me as our foreheads are pressed against each other. I'm afraid to look up into his blue, gorgeous, and mesmerizing eyes. I'll see something in them I won't like to see. Will he hate me? Does he dislike me? Will it hold all the answers like a treasure chest to why he kissed me? He pulls away from me, and one of his fingers go under my chin, lifting my head up, and forcing me to look into his eyes. Right away, I see those eyes. I see…nothing in them. I can't read him, but I'm sure my face is like an open book, showing my true emotions for him. That's just another reason why love can make me so weak, especially around Peeta.

"Why?" It's all I can manage to say, barely over a whisper. I'm staring into the pair of blue eyes that always force me into weakness. I'm not going to focus on the negative possibilities that wait for me in the arena because of what I just told him. But if I would have kept it to myself, my broken heart wouldn't function well. Either, I'm still going into that arena weakly.

"I…I don't know," he says, looking intensely into my eyes. My eyes are wondering so much into those eyes of his, that I can finally see something in them. It's as if he's trying to figure out how he feels about me. "I needed to kiss you. I _wanted _to."

The feeling of his lips on mine again send sparks of electricity through me. I could only think about how tough it's going to be going into the arena, still being able to feel and taste his lips on mine. "Please don't," I say, pulling away. I can't do this knowing how terrible it's going to be. But he pulls me close to him again as I sigh.

"Why?" He asks, returning the question, but not in the same tone of reason. He cups my face in his hands and stares into my eyes while mine lock with his.

"It's not good for neither of us," I reply as he strokes my hair, making me feel those annoying and queasy butterflies in my stomach.

"It feels right," he whispers, leaning in to kiss me again, and this time I have no regret. His soft lips meet mine repeatedly. His arms are around my waist as mine are around his neck. He pulls me close, so close I can feel his warmth. That warmth engulfs me as his hands travel up my body to my hips. Suddenly, I'm thinking of our survival, _his _survival.

Haymitch explained to me how the Capitol treats every tribute with sympathy and encouragement. They want something from every tribute, and if they don't get it, it's too bad for the sucker who doesn't agree to have the strings attached to them like puppets. The Capitol forces what they want out of you, and I want them to like Peeta, I need to give them what they want. And what they want is what they will get. Romance from the tributes of District 12 is all they have been talking about, it's what they want. And I'm going to make Peeta believe in what is real, and in that way, I will get what I want, and so will the Capitol.

…

Haymitch stands there, in the doorway to the dining room. He looks quite sober, sober enough to give us some useful advice. Peeta sits next to me, looking up at Haymitch from his breakfast. Last night's events remain unspoken of between us. It's straight up ridiculous, really. Some time we're going to talk about it. Today's the _bloody training._ Haymitch sits on his chair, everything so silent you hear the creak of his chair while he sits. All this Capitol furniture is complex and unusual…just not normal. He picks up his fork, but puts it back down with a _clink! _They have us dressed in tight, black suits, though they are rather comfortable enough to move in. We all know what today is.

"So…I don't have to explain what's today," we remain silent, acting as a sign for him to continue. "Don't go for what you're good at; go for something you don't know. What you know won't help you if you know it already. Learn something new in order to have higher chances for survival in the arena with what you know, and what you learned."

We both nod, the room still silent. Effie starts a conversation with me. I don't want to speak, but it wouldn't hurt to kill the exasperating silence in this room. Effie starts talking about the magnificent food and how the other Districts, even the Careers, don't get any special treatment when Haymitch warns us of the Careers. All I can manage to do is smile at her. Peeta's trying to keep the glare off his face, obviously irritated by Effie's constant talking. Haymitch looks as if he's going to bite Trinket's head off and feed it to his imaginary dogs. The thought of Haymitch getting so infuriated by Effie makes me thank her, and I never thought I'd thank Effie for anything. Unless you were to thank her for her invariable chatter and nuisance she clearly doesn't notice she gives.

We're riding down elevators. Peeta avoids my gaze. I fear he might be regretting what he did last night, while I still don't. In fact, I wish he'd kiss me again. Not only that, but it makes me believe he doesn't want to get close. We've been through the same thing over and over. It's a conflict between my heart and my head. Logically, we'd be better separate. But my heart doesn't want to be separated from him. In the games, it's time to think logically. Either be sharp and quick, or think with kindness, which clearly doesn't get you anywhere near being a Victor. If only he knew everything, it'd make everything worse and better simultaneously.

District 12 is the last District to get there. Every other District is already gotten there, and being the last really lets the other tributes get a good look at you. I could already point out which are Careers and which are not, simply because they have smirks on their faces the entire time. Even better, they have now locked their eyes on Peeta. They just glanced at me because I'm just a small girl. I'm not strong. You'd think being from the Seam you have a better chance at surviving the games. But in my case, you're terribly wrong. If you're weak, and you stay hidden, they don't pay attention to you. And if they don't pay attention to me, I'm fine.

But I shouldn't be fine.

When one blond, huge, and strong one beacons the other one to look at Peeta with his head, I feel as if a bullet pierced through my stomach, leaving it hollow of every organ there is in my body. The name, Cato, comes to mind. All the Careers glance at Peeta. Peeta's strong, tall, and completely threatening with his looks. He'd be the first they go for. I feel my breath quicken as I let out shaky breathes Peeta evidently notices. But then I find myself thinking…What if I didn't listen to Haymitch? If I show my skills with knives and plants, or even try the trying knots station, and if I got the Careers to see how skillful I am, it would make them forget about Peeta. But they're not going to kill me. I'll be like their only hope in getting Peeta. But in reality, I'd be guiding them away from Peeta.

That is exactly what I'm going to do. Finally I've found myself feeling hope in a time like this.

A woman explains to us what stations are available in the center and the rules. Fortunately, they don't allow any fighting to go on. Of course they wouldn't, but I just wanted them to assure it so the Careers don't have an excuse for it.

First station I head to is the knife throwing station. I meet Clove there, yet another Career. She snickers when her eyes land on me. I snort right at her, too. Her head jolts when she hears it, and she opens her mouth to say, "Looks like you'll need a lot of help in this station. Go somewhere else."

"Why don't you take your asshole personality somewhere else," I snap at her. Her eyes widen as the trainer stifles a laugh we can clearly hear perfectly fine. She groans and throws a knife right in the head of a dummy's head.

I snatch a knife from a small stand of displays. Clove watches intensely, as if hoping I'd mess up for a laugh. I can feel Peeta's eyes on me. He'd know I'm passing off Haymitch's rules and I'm sure he'd ask me for an explanation. I grimace at the thought of being asked so many questions and I'd have to lie to Peeta's face. I clear my head of anything. I pick up a few more. I step up to a white line marked on the floor. I aim the knife I'm gripping in my hand. Then, I let it fly through the air like cutting through grass, a clean cut. To my surprise, it lands right in the bull's eye. Rapidly, I imitate the movement as all the knives hit the bull's eye of every target. I'm surprised at my own work.

Clove stares in shock. I turn around to see every eye of the Careers on me. Clove's dumbfounded expression turns into a glare. She hates me, but once I let them know they can't get Peeta without my help, they'd accept me in their Career alliance because of their blindness due to hunger for power. It'd be as easy to make them betray themselves with my words.

After that unbelievable and lucky streak of skill, I head to the knot tying station. I look around to find Peeta, but he's nowhere in sight. I decide not to bother to look for him. Basically I'm avoiding possible questions he might ask me.

Once I get to the tying not station, I feel his breath on me as he whispers in my ear, "What are you doing?" It sounds more concerned than angry.

I turn to meet his blue eyes. He looks down at me, the concern from his voice not quite meeting his eyes. His eyes and face expression reveal angriness. I answer him, but I clearly know it isn't what he wants to hear. "Tying knots. What are you doing?"

He kneels beside me to tie knots also. "You know what I'm talking about, Katniss," he persists. I roll my eyes, and it's like getting cut in the face. I would never roll my eyes at Peeta, but my need for him to survive has taken over.

"I needed to practice my knife throwing," I say, defensively.

He grabs my hand, making that wave of electricity move through my body. The room suddenly gets hotter. I look up at him; his eyes have that shine in them. We're starring into each others' eyes when he says, "Listen to Haymitch, Katniss. I don't want anything to happen to you."

I can feel the heat rise in my cheeks. I try so hard to keep it down, but it doesn't work. This is just going to be too hard for me.

This is going to be harder than I thought.


End file.
